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101种骚扰同事的方法

Leave a stack of old applications and a note saying, “Install these” 留一堆没用的旧软件和一张写着“安装这些”便条 Staple your reports in the wrong corner 用钉书钉订报告的时候订在错误的一角 Put tape over the mouse optics 在光学鼠标上粘上胶带 Unplu ..

  1. Leave a stack of old applications and a note saying, “Install these”
    留一堆没用的旧软件和一张写着“安装这些”便条
  2. Staple your reports in the wrong corner
    用钉书钉订报告的时候订在错误的一角
  3. Put tape over the mouse optics
    在光学鼠标上粘上胶带
  4. Unplug a co-worker’s monitor
    拔掉某个同事的显示器接线
  5. Talk to sick employees while wearing a dust mask
    和生病的员工讲话时带上一个防尘面具
  6. Turn your earphones up all the way
    把你的耳机音量调到最大 从早到晚带着耳机
  7. Burn popcorn in the microwave
    用微波炉爆(焦)爆米花
  8. “Forget” to put your tuna sandwich in the fridge
    “忘记”在冰箱里放上你的金枪鱼三明治
  9. Turn up the beep volume of the copier
    把复印机“哔”的音量放大
  10. Empty the paper out of the main printer/copier
    清空打印机/复印机的纸
  11. Empty the ink or toner out of the main printer/copier
    倒空打印机/复印机的墨或炭粉
  12. Practice beat boxing
    练习节奏口技 (拳击)(参考attaboy ,Angelo 的评论)
  13. Sing show tunes
    唱舞台音乐剧
  14. Hang up the phone before they say, “good bye”
    在对方说再见之前挂断电话
  15. Slurp hot coffee during meetings
    开会的时候出声地啜热咖啡
  16. Walk around the office barefooted
    光脚在办公室里四处走
  17. Empty out a co-workers office on a Friday afternoon
    星期五下午把某个员工的办公室清空
  18. Misplace peoples pens
    把人们的笔放错地方
  19. Insert a 3.5″ disk before they turn on their computer
    在他们打开电脑之前插进一张软盘
  20. Glue their mouse to the desk
    把他们的鼠标粘在桌子上
  21. Leave an open can of tuna in their desk
    在他们桌上放一只开了封的金枪鱼罐头
  22. Make a screenshot of their desktop and use it as their screensaver
    把他们的电脑桌面截成一张图,然后把这张图设成屏保
  23. Turn up the contrast on their monitor
    把他们显示器的对比度调高
  24. Talk in a funny accent
    用可笑的口音说话
  25. Use goofy event sounds for your programs
    给你的电脑程序选用滑稽的事件提示音
  26. Chant, “Yeay, I got mail!!” every time you get a new email
    每次收到新邮件的时候高唱“yeay,我收到了邮件”
  27. Print out a phony pink slip and leave It in their mailbox
    打印一张假解聘通知书放到他们的信箱里
  28. Send flowers from one co-worker to another
    借某同事之名送花给另一同事
  29. Start your car remotely when someone walk by it
    有人经过的你的车时,用遥控器(远远的就)把你的车发动起来
  30. Insist on people to have a great morning
    坚决要求人们应该有一个美好的早晨
  31. Leave hole punches all over
    随处乱放打孔器
  32. Leave your lunch garbage in other people’s cans
    把你午餐过后的垃圾放进别人的罐头
  33. After each sip give a refreshing, “Ahhh”
    每啜一口都来一句惬意的“啊……”
  34. Put salt on someone’s mouse pad
    在别人的鼠标垫上撒盐
  35. Set a password on someone’s screensaver
    给别人的屏保设置密码
  36. Carry on a conversation with someone two cubes down
    坚持和两个隔间之外的人对话
  37. Smirk when a co-worker walks by
    在一个同事经过的时候傻笑
  38. Eat half of someone’s lunch
    把别人的午餐吃掉一半
  39. Swap co-worker’s chairs
    调换同事的椅子
  40. Fake stomach flu during a meeting and need to abruptly leave three or four times
    开会的时候假装急性肠胃炎,突然地离开三四次
  41. Stare deeply into your co-workers eyes when they talk to you
    当同事和你讲话的时候死死盯住他们的眼睛
  42. Take all the ice out of the community freezer
    把公用冷藏机里的冰都拿出来
  43. Listen to comedy tracks and laugh hysterically
    听搞笑段子并歇斯底里的大笑
  44. Hit all the floor buttons when you leave the elevator
    离开电梯之前把所有楼层的按钮都按一遍
  45. Make hissing sounds into the phone and insist you have a bad connection
    对着电话发出咝咝的声音,说是信号不好
  46. Flip the left and right mouse button defaults
    把默认的鼠标左右键倒装过来
  47. Take out the ball in the mouse
    取出鼠标里的滚珠
  48. Eat sunflower seeds
    吃瓜子
  49. Tell a long story without a point
    讲一个冗长且毫无主题的故事
  50. Tell a co-worker you liked their hair better last week
    告诉一个同事你更喜欢他们上一周时的头发
  51. Anonymously send flowers to a random co-worker
    匿名送花给随便哪一位同事
  52. Bring Cheetos for food days
    在食物交流日上带来的是Cheetos牌的零食
  53. Drag your feet when you walk down the halls
    拖着脚走过大厅
  54. Exclaim your co-worker didn’t wash his hands when leaving the restroom
    惊叫你的同事出洗手间时没洗手
  55. Eat stinky foods when you have lunch at your desk
    午饭时在你的桌上吃些臭烘烘的食物
  56. Practice drumming on your desk
    在桌子上练习敲鼓
  57. Use too many paper clips
    用超多回形针
  58. Fill out your time sheets incorrectly
    填错你的工作时间表
  59. Set your mobile phone to an obnoxious ring tone
    给你的手机设一个烦人的铃声
  60. Forward chain letters and other spam to co-workers
    给同事转发连锁信和别的垃圾邮件
  61. Express your political views at length
    长篇大论你的政治观点
  62. Whisper loudly
    大声讲悄悄话(吹口哨
  63. Come to work sick
    生病也来上班
  64. Drink the last cup of coffee without making a new pot
    喝掉最后一杯咖啡,且不添一壶新的
  65. Answer your mobile during meetings
    开会的时候接电话
  66. Stand over someone while they are on the phone
    别人接电话的时候站在旁边监听
  67. Sneak up behind someone
    从后面突然吓别人
  68. Mess with the thermostat
    乱按一番调温器
  69. Give everyone a pistol wink when they walk by
    冲每个经过的人作手枪射击状
  70. Gradually turn down the volume on someone’s phone
    把某人电话音量逐渐调低
  71. Leave unusual print outs on the printer
    在打印机旁留几张内容诡异的打印件
  72. Throw out other people’s prints
    把别人的打印件扔掉
  73. Juggle office supplies
    用办公用品耍杂技
  74. Write all your memos on bright colored paper
    把你所有的备忘录写在颜色刺眼的纸上
  75. Be overly nice to people
    对人过分的亲热
  76. Hide whiteboard erasers
    藏起白板擦
  77. Chew gum whie talking on the phone
    讲电话时嚼口香糖
  78. Regularly update everyone on the current weather
    定时给每个人汇报当前天气
  79. Read your emails aloud
    大声读你的email
  80. Leave the fridge open
    不关冰箱门
  81. Shake up cans of pop in the fridge
    把冰箱里的汽水瓶摇一遍
  82. Leave fingerprints on the copier glass
    在复印机(打印机的)玻璃上留下指印
  83. Whistle all day long
    从早到晚吹口哨
  84. Wear too much cologne/perfume
    撒过多的香水
  85. Type loudly
    很响地敲键盘
  86. Wear bright colored clothes
    穿颜色刺眼的衣服
  87. Give everyone a nickname from a TV show
    拿电视剧里的名字给每个人起外号
  88. Do the sneaky walk around the office
    在办公室里鬼鬼祟祟的走
  89. Peer over the cube and wait for a co-worker to look up and notice
    向别的隔断张望,等着有人抬起头来注意到
  90. Use the intercom and page yourself
    擅自使用内部电话呼叫自己和记录
  91. Swap the regular and decaf coffee
    对换普通咖啡和脱咖啡因(无糖)咖啡
  92. Hide the sugar and creamer
    把咖啡里加的糖和奶藏起来
  93. Type emails in uppercase and excessive punctuation
    用大写字母写email,并且用n多标点
  94. Refer to your garbage can as your in-box
    称你的垃圾桶为收件箱
  95. Stick pencils to the ceiling in other people’s offices
    在别人办公室天花板上戳(粘)铅笔
  96. Throw a bouncy ball in your office
    在办公室里扔弹力球
  97. Tell the same story over and over
    一个故事翻来覆去的讲
  98. Imitate regular sounds like a disc drive opening, door slamming or a mouse click
    模仿诸如打开光驱,关门,或者点击鼠标的声音
  99. Talk to your monitor as if it was a person
    把你的显示器当成人一样对其讲话
  100. Schedule meetings at 4:00pm
    把会议的时间定在下午4点
  101. Talk loudly with your earphones on when someone comes to talk to you
    有人过来和你交谈的时候,戴着耳机大声说话。大声对着你戴的耳机讲话。

声明:使用这些方法时请自行承担风险。对于之后所发生的一切--不论是发生在你,你的隔间,还是你的车上--本人概不承担任何责任。

【本文翻译仅为外语学习及阅读目的,原文作者个人观点与译者及译言网无关】

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返回正文评论

      谢谢attaboy,泥偶的批注,这几个地方是我的疏忽。我还没入门,希望大家多多指教。
      对于铅笔的那一句,我的确也还没搞明白是怎么回事…

      回复metaphor :
      谢谢你的建议。
      愚以为“忘记在冰箱放上”的听来是根本没准备食物,“忘记把..放进冰箱”听来似乎至少自己准备了食物,只不过没有放进冰箱。
      当然,我这种翻译是基于将原文理解为蹭饭的前提, 一家之言了:)

      95 那个戳铅笔,应该是对 X 档案里 Mulder 的模仿。参考这个:
      http://my.clubhi.com/bbs/661231/25/33993.html

      不过 Mulder 是戳自己的天花板,丫是戳别人的~~~

      回dawnwalker :谢谢你,attaboy已经指出。是我大意出错了。
      为了防止重复意见,我在原文中也改正了。

      101.Talk loudly with your earphones on when someone comes to talk to you<p>

      当有人来跟你交谈的时候,戴着耳机大声说话。

      回Angelo: 的确是我笔误,呵呵,见笑了。
      回windrose: 多亏你指出,是我把with在这里的用法弄错了,看来昨天脑子够昏的。

      回jimmi: 你说的没错,是我又一次笔误。

      为什么脑子里想的和写出来的总不一样呢?……
      让板砖来的更猛烈些吧! 力将此文拍为译言短文改错的典范……

      个人一点看法,与译者切磋:

      6. 把你的耳机声音开到最大

      7. 用微波炉烤焦爆米花 (一般的用法是pop the popcorn, 这里用burn强调的是爆米花烤焦后冒烟, 可能会激发火警警报的效果)

      8. 其实我觉得这里强调的是故意把金枪鱼三明治放在外面让它的气味去骚扰同事。。。

      13. 这里的show tunes我倾向理解为电视节目秀里的主题音乐

      50. 告诉一个同事你更喜欢他上周的发型.

      71. 使打印机留下古怪的印痕

      73. 私藏办公用品

      90. 使用对讲机, 呼叫自己.

      95. 在别人的办公室里把铅笔往天花板上戳.

      绝倒,多用几招,会被评为最不受欢迎同事,
      在用完一半之前就会换工作。
      偶尔用一招是恶作剧,
      碰到别人这样的有几十种应对方式-----这是很不错的。

      谢谢楼上几位。
      6. 嗯,想了想的确应该是这个意思,之前总觉得turn up在这里是别的用法;
      7. 开始也是这么想的,后来改了,因为觉得微波炉“爆”爆米花在自然情况下就会烤焦吧?而且在密闭空间中应该会有特殊音效……没干过,臆想的。
      8. 金枪鱼三明治有特殊味道么?还是只为了馋别人?
      13. 这个我查过了。
      50. 觉得差别不大,呵呵,说头发更加莫名其妙一些
      71. print outs我认为是指打印出的东西
      73. 重新查了一遍,觉得另外一种翻译可能更准确
      90. 这个我该打,明明前几天翻字幕的时候遇到一个page me的……
      95. 参照前面几位朋友的建议